Sherlock Holmes and Watson went camping. They hiked into the mountains and pitched a tent. Late that night Sherlock woke up. He looked up into the night sky and gazed at all the stars. He leaned over and punched Watson on the arm and asked the drousy Watson, "What do you make of all the stars in the sky." Watson looked up and said, "With millions of stars there must be millions of suns. Around those suns must be millions of planets like ours teeming with life." Sherlock said, "Watson, you old fool, someone stole our tent!"

"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight!" - Phyllis Diller

This one's a Hoot! The mind of a six-year old is wonderful. First grade...true story. One day a first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then and asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy S--T! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next ten minutes.

"I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb..and also I'm not blonde" - Dolly Parton

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR? " I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns." - Craig, age 9

"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country." - Elayne Boosler

"If men run the world why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?" - Linda Ellerbee

Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? - "Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck." - Ricky, age 10

A saleswoman is driving through the Reservation toward home when she sees an Indian woman thumbing for a ride on the side of the road. As the trip had been long and quiet, she stops the car and the Indian woman gets in. After a bit of small talk, the Indian woman notices a brown bag on the front seat. "What's in bag?" asks the Indian woman. "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband," says the saleswoman. The Indian lady is silent for a moment then says, "Good trade."

First Strike Retaliation Conducted A platoon of crack Special Forces soldiers have taken the first steps of reprisal after this month's incidents in America. The heroic force, comprised of Texas A & M corps graduates, have broken into the dog holding area of the Texas A & M Veterinnary Science. Building and captured all the Afghans.

This news update just in from the Taliban Tribune . . . . .Mohammed Ahmed, the head of the Taliban, announced in a press conference this morning, that "if the U.S. continues it's attack on Afghanistan, the Taliban will have no recourse but to place an immediate freeze of the import shipment supply of convenience store clerks to the U.S." Need a straw with that?

Horse sense is the good judgment that keeps horses from betting on people.

Why is it that the first piece of baggage out of the chute at the airport never belongs to anyone?

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