DUMB BANK ROBBER San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

ALABAMA WIDOW Three Alabama boys are working on a high rise building project, Bubba, George and Blake. Bubba falls off and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, George says," Someone should go and tell his wife." Blake says," OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it." Two hours later, he comes back carrying a 6-pack. George says, "Where did you get that, Blake?" "Bubba's wife gave it to me." Blake replies. George "That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer." Blake says," Well not exactly, I said to her, when she answered the door, "You must be Bubba's widow." She said, 'No, I'm not a widow' and I said ' Wanna bet me a 6-pack?"

FOLLOWING DIRECTIONS A truck driver had to deliver 500 penguins to the state zoo. As he,was driving his truck through the desert, his truck broke down. After about three hours, he waved another truck down and offered the driver $500 to take the penguins to the state zoo for him. The next day the original truck driver arrived in town and saw the new truck driver crossing the road with the 500 penguins walking in single file behind him. The original truck driver jumped out of his truck and asked. "What's going on? I gave you $500 to take these penguins to the zool?" The new truck driver responded, "I did takethem to the zoo. And I had enough money left over so now we're going to see a movie!"

THE WEATHERMAN It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared. But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?" "It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the Weather Service responded.So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Is it going to be a very cold winter?" "Yes," the man at National Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter." The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?" "Absolutely, " the man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever. "How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked. The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting wood like crazy."

EXCUSES, EXCUSES There was a middle aged guy who bought a brand new Mercedes convertible SLK. He took off down the road, flooring it up to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head. "This is great," he thought and floored it some more. He looked in his rearview mirror and there was a Florida Highway Patrol Trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blasting. "I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man and he floored it some more and flew down the road at over 100 mph. Then he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing!" and pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the State Trooper to catch up with him. The Trooper pulled in behind the Mercedes and walked up to the man. "Sir," he said, looking at his watch. "My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday the 13th." If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go." The man looked back at the Trooper and said, "Last week my wife ran off with a State Trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back." The State trooper said, "Have a nice day!"

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