- HUMOR -
|
|
|
This is the ERSS page of "Fun Stuff", the place to post items that will bring a smile to Evil Roy's face |
|
(hard to do with a man who was raised by buzzards; neither the Indians nor the wolves wanted to adopt him!) |
|
|
|
This is the ERSS page of "Fun Stuff", the place to post items that will bring a smile to Evil Roy's face |
|
(hard to do with a man who was raised by buzzards; neither the Indians nor the wolves wanted to adopt him!) |
Please send us your jokes, funny stories, cartoons, and funny photos if you want to share them with the readers of this web site. To send your items: click HERE to go to our page where you can type them into a form and submit it to us on line or forward them to evilroy@evilroyshootingschool.com .
All items will be reviewed for content (no guarantee we will use them and please remember this is a family page) and the sender will remain anonymous upon request. Copy righted materials must have their source noted.
DO NOT read these jokes if you are short, tall, fat, skinny, male, female, gay, straight, brown, white, black or anything else that you are really sensitive about."
Anyway as Bugs Bunny always says
**** So on with the
show this is it! ****
|
||||||||||||||||||||
|
Sniffer - The Dog
|
||||||||||||||||||||
|
PILOT PHILOSOPHY Thedifference between a duck
and a co-pilot? |
||||||||||||||||||||
| Kid Quotes Never trust a dog to watch your food. Patrick, Age 10 When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents. Matthew, Age 12 Never smart off to a teacher whose eyes and ears are twitching. Andrew, Age 9 Wear a hat when feeding sea gulls. Rocky, Age 9 Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning. Stephanie, Age 8 Never try to hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. Rosemary, Age 7 Don't flush the john when your dad's in the shower. Lamar, Age 10 Never ask for anything that costs more than five dollars when your parents are doing taxes. Carrol, Age 9 Never bug a pregnant mom. Nicholas, Age 11 Don't ever be too full for dessert. Kelly, Age 10 When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him. Heather, Age 16 Never tell your mom her diet's not working. Michael, Age 14 Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat. Joel, Age 12 When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone. Alyesha, Age 13 Never try to baptize a cat. Laura, Age 13 Never do pranks at a police station. Sam, Age 10 Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving. Rob, Age 10 Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what your mom told you to do. Hank, Age 12 Remember you're never too old to hold your father's hand. Molly, Age 12 Stay away from prunes. Randy, Age 9 Never dare your little brother to paint the family car. Phillip, Age 13 Listen to your brain. It has lots of information. Chelsey, Age 7 |
||||||||||||||||||||
|
New Stock Market Terms |
||||||||||||||||||||
| When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her out to some place expensive.......... So I took her to a gas station!!!!!!! |
||||||||||||||||||||
|
Redneck Jokes: |
||||||||||||||||||||
| I had amnesia once.. maybe twice. Photons have mass?? I didn't even know they were catholic! All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy... I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous... What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free...? They told me I was gullible.. and I believed them... Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and when he grows up.. he'll never be able to edge his car onto the freeway. What if there were NO hypothetical questions? One good thing about egotists.. they don't talk about other people! I used to be quite indecisive... now, I not so sure! The High cost of living hasn't affected its popularity! How can there be self help 'groups'? Is there another word for synonym? Is it possible to be TOTALLY partial? What is another word for Thesaurus?... It not an optical illusion.. It just looks like one. |
||||||||||||||||||||
| We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes. One fowl is a goose,
but two are called geese, yet the plural of moose should never be meese. You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice; yet the plural of house is houses, not hice. If the plural of man is always called men, why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen? If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet, and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth? Then one may be that, and three would be those, yet hat in the plural would never be hose, and the plural of cat is cats, not cose. We speak of a brother and also of brethren, but though we say mother, we never say methren. Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim. Let's face! it! - English is a crazy language. |
||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
||||||||||||||||||||
|
||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
||||||||||||||||||||
|
||||||||
|
71 Year Old Marine in Unfair Fight Last week
police were called to investigate an attempted armed robbery: |
||||||||
| One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary
line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish. About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family. "You aren't going to catch many fish that way," said the businessman to the fisherman, "you should be working rather than lying on the beach!" The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, "And what will my reward be?" "Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish!" was the businessman's answer. "And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman, still smiling. The businessman replied, "You will make money and you'll be able to buy a boat which will then result in larger catches of fish!" "And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman again. The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman's questions. "You can buy a bigger boat and hire some people to work for you!" he said. "And then what will my reward be?" repeated the fisherman. The businessman was getting angry. "Don't you understand? You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you!" Once again the fisherman asked, "And then what will my reward be?" The businessman was red with rage and shouted at the fisherman, "Don't you understand that you can become so rich that you will never have to work for your living again! You can spend all the rest of your days sitting on this beach looking at the sunset. You won't have a care in the world!" The fisherman, still smiling, simply looked up and nodded, then looked at the sunset, with his pole in the water, without a care in the world. |
||||||||
| OLD FARMER'S ADVICE Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong. Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance. Life is simpler when you plow around the stump. A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor. Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled. Meanness don't jes' happen overnight. Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads. Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you. It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge. You cannot unsay a cruel word. Every path has a few puddles. When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty. The best sermons are lived, not preached. Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway. Don't judge folks by their relatives. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time. Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'. Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got. Always drink upstream from the herd. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in. If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God. |
||||||||
| If a dog was your teacher you would learn things like... When loved ones come home, always run to greet them... Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride... Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy... Never pretend to be something you're not... Let others know when they have invaded your territory... Take naps and stretch before rising... Run, romp and play daily... Always protect those you love.. Avoid biting when a simple growl will do... On warm days, stop to lie on your back in the grass... On a hot day, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree... When you're happy dance around and wiggle your entire body... Thrive on attention and let people touch you... No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout-run right back and make friends... Delight in the simple joy of a long walk... Eat with gusto and enthusiasm-stop when you've had enough... Be loyal... If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it... When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently... |
||||||||
|
|
||||||||
|
||||||||
|
|
||||||||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
